Next time
by BloodDripsFromMyOpenWounds
Summary: ONE-SHOT: Natsu is a cutter, his emotions are deep and only one person shines through the darkness. Gray... Gray finds natsu cutting himself and shows natsu how much he cares... Tears are fallen and truthful words exchanged. Gratsu gray/natsu gray x natsu Yaoi [COMPLETE]


**a/n: If you read this then what this story contains self harm and YAOI! BOY X BOY BL! If you dont like that then dotn read this, if you do then please enjoy. P.S, it's sad in the beginning but it gets better at the end. **

His lips twisted up into a sinical smile and his tongue slowly licked his bottom lip as the sweet sting of the blade cut across his arm. The blood ran crimson, rivers of it slowly cascading down his forearm and dripping onto the cold floor of the bathroom. He felt a small chuckle rise to his lips. Cutting himself wasn't a punishment if he deserved it right? And what about if he enjoyed it? Isn't that a sin? Maybe, but he didn't care. He lived for the day to cut the razor blade across his arms, to spell out words. Oh yes. Words.

That was his favorite thing to do, he loved to see the words bleed. The words on his blood stained skin sent a tingling sensation through his body. He didn't feel pain, not at all. He felt pleasure. He enjoyed the sensation of knowing he could possibly bleed to death. He loved the fact that no one knew. That whenever someone would clap him on his shoulder for praise they would hit one of his cuts that he'd put there just to feel an extra dose of pleasure filled pain.

He sank to his knees against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest; he let out a shaky breathe. He brought the blade up to his arm.

_Vertical or horizontal? Vertical will insure death, but if I cut my wrist horizontal that'll ensure a trip to the hospital. What should I do? Should I finally end it? Should I just kill mylelf now and end my misery. I don't deserve to live, I only cause pain and suffering for others, I'm not even nice. Sure I do a good deed every now and again. But do I deserve to live when all I do is bitch and complain to happy, master, lucy, erza, and ecspecially gray? All I seem to do is fight with gray..._

He dropped the blade as his mind went blank. _Gray..._ He wanted to live because of gray. He had to remind himself that. Gray, his only ray of light in the pitch black world he was stuck in. He wanted to be there to see gray smile, to be there to comfort him when he was feeling down. He may not show it often but he trully did care for gray, more than anyone knew. He loved gray. He felt something wet and warm run down his cheeks. _Tears?_

Natsu hesitantly reached up with his unscarred arm and wiped at his eye. _W-why am I crying? Does that mean I don't want to die? I guess I should take this as a sign and live. But, I don't feel worthy to live in a world graced by "his" presence. _He picked up the blade and wiped it on his navy blue shirt holding it back up to his arm. _I won't kill myself, not yet. I'll live and prove myself wrong someday. But until then I'll suffer quietly by myself. _ Natsu thought coming to a resolve by himslef not hearing the voice of someone coming inside his house.

He sliced at his arm, blood gushed out of the deep wound. Natsu heard a gasp and was suddenly punched on his good arm really hard. "Natsu what the hell are you doing!" Gray stood in the now open bathroom door with his eyes wide and filled with shock. He quickly snatched the blade from natsu's grasp and encased it with ice throwing it on the ground so it was broken and unusable now. Natsu felt his chest constrict as he started to involuntaribly hiccup as his body was racked with sobbs. He didn't want gray to see him like this ever. He felt so weak and small in the eyes of the man standing before him. He wished he would just dissappear so that gray wouldn' t have to deal with this. The look in his eyes unnerved natsu, gray looked like he was angry, sad and something he couldn't pin point directly.

"G-gray." The tears flowed from his eyes heavily like a rain that happens once a year in the dessert, natsu had a hard time seeing as he stood up slowly never taking his eyes off of grays and he put himself in the bathtub, turning on the shower head and the water on to luke warm. He sat on the bottom of the tub letting the water rush over him, he didn't bother to take his clothes infront of gray. He didn't want him to see the rest of his scars that were scattered every where across his body. He heard gray sit on the endge of the tub.

"Natsu look at me." His voice was stern. Natsu looked at him, his eyes pleaded gray not to ask about it. Gray sighed getting the hint. "To bad natsu, tell me now. Why? Why did you cut yourself?" Natsu gulped. He couldn't tell gray it was because he mostly felt like it, that he felt he deserved some punishment for the way he is, for the way he was born. Gray sighed standing up, his fingers swiflt unbuttoning his shirt as his habit kicked in and his shirt was stripped off.

Natsu looked away from the now shirtless gray, he looked at the cuts he had recently made, they were already healing with scabs starting to form. Being a mage and dragon slayer on top of that really improved the healing process. He felt a second body rest beside him in the tub.

"G-gray what are you doing?" His voice was hoarse. Gray was sitting opposite from natsu with his shirt and pants off only wearing his dark navy blue boxers, his body and light clothing getting soaked in the down pour of water from the shower head.. "How many times did you cut yourself?" Gray asked as his eyes pierced into natsu's. The pinkette sighed. He had been clean for awhile and had only recently started up again. "37." He stated like it was nothing. Gray felt his breathe get caught in his throat as he made a knife out of ice and held it up to his arm. Natsu panicked reaching out to grab the blade but gray pulled it out of his reach and cut his upper arm, a low hiss escaped his mouth.

"Gray stop!" Natsu cried as he again reached for the blade still not grabbing it. "I'll cut myself as many times as you cut yourself! I'll share the pain with you! And, and after this you'll never cut yourself again!" Gray yelled as he inflicted cut after cut the water running red with the blood of the ice mage. Natsu cried pleaded for gray to stop but he never did, not until he had exactly 37 cuts along his arm.

Gray let the ice blade fall onto the tubs floor, the warm water melted the ice. He slowly reached his good arm to natsu and grabbed his cut up arm catching him off gaurd making nastu gasp. "Gray what are you doing?" He asked in shock as he watched him slowly bend over, his velvety soft lips kissing his scars. "I don't want you to cut yourself." Gray whispered ghostly quiet as he kissed the last of the scars. Natsu felt his cheeks burning red.

Gray looke up into natsu's eyes and thats when he noticed gray looked awfully pale. He panicked. "Gray are you ok? You look really pale!" He smiled meekly. "I'm fine natsu don't worry about.." Gray's body fell forward onto natsu's. He panicked and picked up the ice mage bridal style carrying him to his bedroom and placed him on his bed. He covered gray up with the blanket and felt his forehead.

"Damn it gray you got a light fever." Natsu swore as he rushed back to the bathroom he turned of the water and grabbed a wash clothe and soaked it in cold water while grabbing medicine and bandages from the cabinet. He went back to gray and placed the wash clothe on his forehead and bandaged his cuts.

"Damn it, how do I get you to take the medicine when your like this?" Natsu paced back and forth til an idea came to mind, he blushed but decided to try it as he stuck the medicine in his mouth.

Natsu got on the bed caging gray's body under his. He leaned his head down and slowly felt as his lips made contact with gray's soft ones. He got the medicine into his mouth and felt as he swallowed it. Natsu went to pull away from his mouth but was stopped as two strong and pale arms came up around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss. His eyes bugged open as gray's eyes slowly shifted upwards revealing his dark eyes. He felt a blush rise to his cheeks.

Gray ran his tongue along natsu's bottom lip, when natsu didn't open up gray crept his hand along his side until he came to his ass and gave it a firm groping. Natsu immedietly opened his mouth to squeak out his protest but was incapable to as gray shoved his tongue into his mouth. Gray pushed against natsu's tongue showing he was the dominant one. He pulled away out of breath. They panted profusely, natsu laid his body on gray's with his head on ice mages chest.

"Gray, w-why did you cut yourself for me?" Natsu reluctantly looked up at him. "Isn't it obvious baka! Gleesh, I did it because I love you." He huffed. Natsu felt his cheeks burn a million shades of red. "I-i love you to." Natsu sighed happy with the answer, not willing to push gray any further tonight he laid his head back on his chest. He felt a poke on his hip, raising an eyebrow he looked up to gray. The ice mage was blushing madly looking away.

Natsu smirked, "Gray what was that? I think I felt something poke me." Natsu whined rubbing his hip and purposely brushing his hand against gray's hard on. He heard gray suck in a breath, his body unwillingly shuddered. Natsu smirked. Gray growled grabbing natsu by his hair crashing their lips together. "Don't tease me dragon boy." He whispered into natsu's ear as he pulled away. "Who said I was teasing?" Natsu smirked as slowly slinked his body down grays stopping as his face was in front of his crotch. He removed the blanket, a clear tell tale bulge was there on gray's damp boxers. Natsu blushed as he slowly gripped the hem of the boxers and pulled them down letting gray's erect cock spring free.

"N-natsu you don't have," He was cut off by natsu. "But i want to." He grasped gray's cock in both of his hands pumping slowly making gray groan. He stuck his tongue out licking at the head of his cock, taking it in his mouth at an agonizingly slow pace. Gray bucked his hips up trying to get more of natsu's sweet wet mouth on his hot shaft. "N-na...tsu..." He moaned as his fingers tangled in natsu's hair.

Natsu bobbed his head up and down taking as much of his cock as he could in his mouth. He licked the underside of his cock and sucked on the head, the salty taste of precum overriding his other senses. He pulled of of gray's dick with a 'pop!' "Mhm...Natsu why'd you stop?" Gray whined but was rewarded as natsu let go with his hands and took gray's cock completely in mouth deep throating the ice mage. Gray blushed hearing embarrassing whines and moans escape his lips as natsu brought his climax closer adn closer.

"Mmm... nat...stu I'm so close..." He moaned out as he bucked his hips, his cock hitting the back of natsu's throat. Natsu looked up his eyes making contact with grays. Gray groaned, the highly erotic sight of seeing a flushed natsu in between his legs sucking on his dick and looking at him with such sexy and wanton eyes sent the ice mage over the top screaming natsu's name out to the whole fiore as he came into natsu's mouth. Natsu sucked gray dry swallowing every last drop of cum not letting any go to waste. He pulled his head away, gray's limp member slowly fell from his mouth.

"Damn..." Gray whispered as natsu snuggled up to his side with a happy content smile on his face. "That's my way of repaying you." Natsu said silently in a meek voice. Gray smiled. "Well I feel like I owe you something now." He smirked. "Though that sounds very tempting you need to rest gray, you did pass out momentarily due to blood loss." He reminded the ice mage. Gray sighed snuggling back up to the dragon slayer.

"Yeah i guess your right, I guess I'll just have to pay you back NEXT time."

**a/n: I hope you enjoyed this :) I know self harm is a serious subject believe me i know. I used to self harm. I've been clean for 3 months now. I think that natsu would self harm cuz no matter what he does his friends always get hurt, he can never save them in time even if everything ends up ok in the end. **


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